arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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