Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
