had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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