Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
