Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
