The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
We don't watch enough power rangers
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
