Sry I called you an 8
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
