I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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