dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
