What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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