Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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