I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
