Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I think a kid would responsible me up
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
