How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
