Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
