Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
