Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can't turn off my feet"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
