so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
