It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
