tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
