Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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