did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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