She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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