i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize