I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
