I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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