using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
