There was a lot of him and a little penis
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
