I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
