Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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