I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
