we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize