you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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