Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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