I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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