you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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