I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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