so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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