I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
