oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
