she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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