Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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