I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
