Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
