I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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