I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
