you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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