i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
