So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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