I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He felt like a one man threesome
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
