I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
