just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
