ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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