i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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