using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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