Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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