So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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