I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
