i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
