After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
