...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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