as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Randomize
