i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
