I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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