Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
