Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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