Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
