Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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