I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize