Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize