I think I am morally bankrupt
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
