He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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