im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
