he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize