You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize