I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
