Need sex. Gaining weight.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
