Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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