The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
