Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
