and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
