You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You did what with his pubic hair?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
